Awkward

It is currently 2am and I just feel completely awake, is that sort of weird?
I had like half a bag of chocolates, Cadbury Mini Drops to be exact and it was like sort of a bad decision, yet a good decision. I mean I put myself on a diet/healthier lifestyle and wanted to cheat a little because I was feeling deprived and after the grilled chicken McWrap (which was kinda good, but not WOW), I stuffed my face with a mini piglet mooncake (sounds gory but its just a piece of confectionery shaped like a pig, packaged in a pig basket/cage? Is that what they call it?).
Okay I got lost in my sentence.
Anyway dieting is all about portion control, blah blah and all that and i thought i could like eat one serving(22 pieces of that tiny pieces of chocolate) to be exact and then i ended up eating half a bag.
Well sorry not sorry.
This is actually good because you ain't supposed to feel sorry for overeating, i guess, unless you're on weight watchers or on The Biggest Loser.
I don't want to sound like "wow i'm so healthy i eat greens and shit"? Like aren't we supposed to eat our greens and be healthy and be at the peak of our health at this age(18-25)?
For me I'm just a girl trying to get a nicer looking body man. Its like in chinese they say "Only care that you once had(possessed) it, and nothing else matters" (lol bad translation sorry)
Like other girls I have bad body image, and the list goes on so why not solve this solution or i think i'll die and go up to heaven and like "lol i was fat my whole life". Be contented, yknow? I guess?
My life is one big uncertainty now and its a happy sad thing because the fact that anything can happen really interests me so I go one step at a time.
Like what if I suddenly wake up and someone gives me a call saying that i'm billionaire's daughter and I'm adopted by my current parents? YOU'LL NEVER KNOW
Stupid things aside i think i'll lose some weight and pick up some new skills (eg sewing, drawing, etc) and shit this holiday. The whole "I want my holiday to be enriching" but i think i'll end up hiding in my room with my laptop in the clothes i wore 5 days ago online shopping lol
And dear future me/other people, i'll probably read this and feel stupid but whatever. I do what I want.

Accessory obsession

So after countless vlogs and Man Vs Pin (see Threadbanger) I revived my Pinterest account and since my submission week is over, why not?
Since forever i have this obsession with bracelets and often they are probably  a waste of money  too expensive to purchase every time i go to a shop, say, Topshop and love their accessories (except for sale period), i'd find some way to make my own and that way I can make one for myself and even friends and even sell it (link -> thelabcoat )!
So I gathered a few photos from the net and decided to keep it here as well, just for keepsake, maybe I'll print a few photos and put up a moodboard in my room (could have a DIY for that) as well.
I am becoming a DIY maniac lol.

(credit to Yarn Journey, Ssek Jewelry, and various etsys, tumblrs and Pinterests)

Probably do a remake for some of these bracelets, get in touch with me on ask.fm and @jiayincredible on instagram and twitter :-)

if anyone still reads this place.

Losing weight is unhealthy.

Okay so yh just told me he's finding out that more and more of his friends are actually anorexic/suffering from anorexia, and it kind of saddens me.
Growing up learning about these disorders in Home Economics/Health Education lessons the first thing that came to my mind was "these people are crazy", "lol I'll never know anyone who get these" and it was very foreign, like what, these kinda things actually exist? Isn't food so delicious to override every single weirded out thought? I was 14 (not very young but not too old, either) and... yeah.

And then a few people I know from my school started getting these disorders.... It was kind of scary. Watching their lives get sucked out from their bodies like Dementors sucking out souls(I couldn't think of a better analogy) and yes, they were getting skinnier, but then they looked very lethargic always, like they had to work part-time to support themselves to come to school.

And contrary to popular belief, not all people who get eating disorders become skinnier. Not all become skinny, lose their hair. Not all anorexics/bulimics are dangerously underweight, or appear sad all the time. It is a mental illness. 
You might disagree: only when its very serious then people are about to die and become like walking skeletons, then they need help. NO.

I personally know a few who are not skinny at all and they suffer from eating disorders and thankfully are recovering thanks to the help of friends, family, exercise(healthy kind).. etc.

Personally I grew up as a heavy kid, got teased at, ostracised at, etc... Just for being round. But I lead a happy life. It was not very bad until I gained ALOT of weight in Secondary School. Alot of stress, and literally most of the fast food restaurants can be found 15~20 minutes down my school. KFC, Macdonalds, Burger King, Wendy's, Long John Silvers, the list goes ON and ON.
Until one day I calculated my BMI and it was about 28.6(obese is at >30). Not gonna bother posting photos because I think almost the whole world has seen it.......

Lost quite a bit of weight and yeah I am who I am today! Throughout, it was not the, oh, eat less lose weight thing... It was more of a eat less, exercise, get period, eat like a mad cow, gain weight, then lose it back again. There were days where I thought I didn't need food. Days where I look at too much thinspo on tumblr and die a little inside because I thought I didn't need food and if I ate much lesser I'd probably look like that girl with a UK 4 body.

The problem is once one manages to lose weight it becomes like a... habit? A weird thing. That irrational fear of gaining weight because people want flat stomachs - strutting around Orchard Road in short shorts and crop tops and translucent chiffon shirts that flaunt that mid section that shows that you sacrificed something to get(this body). The centre of envy.

"Wow your abs!"
"Dem stomach"
"What workouts are you doing?"

People often has this misconception that once you lose more weight, you get a very nice, Victoria Secret body. It is the worse, utter bullshit that has been said or thought.

Truth is, having abs/muscles to show is all about body fat composition. And losing weight not equals to losing fat. You might think, "but doesn't your body use the stored fat when you eat less and exercise more?"
True, but not true because your body DO USE THE MUSCLES AS WELL. And water weight.

Bringing on to my next point.
Well, you might think: I'll be happier if I lose another 5kg/if i could fit into a UK 6/etc. I need to eat less. So I can lose weight.

Truthfully, I've been doing that. Replacing my hunger with alot of water, skipping dinner, eating lesser, etc etc and I have been feeling like shit for a few months, until recently.
And why?
Because I was hungry, and cold. It was terrible. Now that the whole school is air conditioned, I often find myself piling on a windbreaker/jacket ON TOP of my knit sweater and still feel cold. It was the worse I have been through and why?

Because of metabolism. Visualise your body to be a.... train. If you feed it with food(coal), the furnace burns and the train is allowed to move. And when you don't, the train slows down, and because it still has to bring its passengers to another station, it burns lesser coal so that it could continue moving, though not as fast, but with a very little amount of coal.
What happens?
The train captains would store more coal(food) whenever he is given coal for his train - your body stores the energy it is given as fat. And you become fat. Your body processes slow down, and your hypothalamus(this little pea thing in your brain which regulates hormones, body temperature) runs on low. Your body lowers its temperature(body uses up fat to burn temperature LITERALLY like the coal train engine theory) and bam. You'll never feel warm even though you put on ten layers of clothing and trust me. It feels like shit.
Now thats one reason to enjoy polishing off your plate and not leaving half saying "you can't finish it" although all you wanted was to eat less and lose weight.

Instead, exercise! Exercise releases endorphins (happy hormones), raises metabolism, improves overall health from heart to skin health(its true - my friends tell me my complexion improved) and exercise is a great time to bond/spend time with your friends or family.

Do something you love. Not something you do because you feel like a fat fuck although in truth you're just average sized, and everyone else is skinny.

STOP LOOKING AT THINSPO/THINSPIRATION. Browsing through tumblr, it is one of the most toxic type of posts you can see because everyone's body looks differently, works differently, and is built differently. You know that skinny friend that eats like a 5 year old just because her appetite is that small? Yes, thinspo photos are all about these kind of people.

STOP LOOKING AT TOO MUCH FITSPO EITHER. They can be motivating, but sometimes guilt trip you. Some pages are meant for professional weight lifters. "Stop eating so much junk and go to the gym now." No. You live your life as you want and a healthy mind is as equally important as a healthy(not skinny/muscular) body.

To people who are reading this and are suffering from an eating disorder: fuck the thigh gap lol I barely have a calf gap.... YOUR LEGS ARE NOT A GOAL POST FOR THE UPCOMING WORLD CUP SO WHY THE HECK WOULD YOU WANT A GAP IN BETWEEN YOUR LEGS? You are worth more than a thigh gap. Or skinny arms. Or poking collarbones or being a UK 6 or whatever. Don't go wanting to lose kilos because SOMEONE TOLD YOU TO DO SO. NO. You live your life. You're worth more than numbers on the scale.

Isn't it more impressive when you exercise, become more healthy, improve your fitness and people recognise your efforts?

"Omg you passed your NAPFA test?"
"Holy shit you can do pull ups? But you're a girl!?"
"He can do more push ups than his friends"

You are born with this body - its how you make use of it and love it, and how you bring out the best of it and instead of changing how you look, change how you feel. I'm heavier than most, if not all than my female friends and there's nothing really to be ashamed about.

Life is short and there are many more other things to worry about than weight.

3am

(photos taken on Sony Xperia Z1 Compact)

I have no work due tomorrow so yay I'm typing here!

Re-organised the blog abit and for those who don't know the header is my handwriting. After what feels like hours scrolling thru dafont.com, I've finally decided on using my own font - personal touch maybe.

I couldn't sleep. 

I've been living in this new room now (Yours Truly designed it, and assembled most of the furniture) and I'm loving it! All white/black so getting sick of colours/moods changing because of colours isn't an issue. Probably need some ideas on how to spice up the room..... 

Everyday I sleep with 3 friends(lol I sound like a slut) - Meet Chlorophyll, Pororo and Lotso, they're my sleep buddies and its sort of a.... assurance? There's more kept in the wardrobe and here and there but occupies too much space so here's my current 3 favourites. Stuffed animals are love regardless of age. Oh and Lamb and Tux Penguin accompanying my lamp. People always go like "omg you're so childish lol stuffed animals when you're almost hitting 20?" and shit.

Life's been great and honestly it has come to a point in life where I'm lost (lol teen-age crisis) and not sure if what I want is what I really want but heck I'll go for it. Maybe it'll work. Idk. Sometimes I look at successful teens my age doing great stuff, representing the country in terms of sports and etc, setting up charity organisations, being famous, travelling the world... And then there's me. Maybe I don't have to be great in that sense but be the best version of myself. It's like, "your best is good enough" thing.

And so I've been kind of upgrading. And today I've unlocked an achievement a.k.a almost doing a pull-up!!! Will aim to do about 5 by the end of this year maybe? It has been by far the furthest I've come in terms of physical fitness and will strive for improvement since I started trying to lose weight (eternities ago). Maybe go to the gym or run more often. Some people might think its stupid and shit but their opinions are none of my business. "The Lion does not lose sleep over the opinion of the Sheep."

Oh and plot twist - I've picked up reading, more on fashion design and dress making and hope I am able to make my dream dress very soon (and build up a portfolio so my dream of being a Lasalle student is more realise-able), I hope.

Speaking of making stuff do follow @thelabcoat on Instagram! Its my baby I've been working on since a few months ago(lost count, have been procrastinating) and it'll be featuring minimalistic/stackable accessories and when I master dress making/fabric manipulation/sewing then I'll move on from there, but now its just bracelets, necklaces, maybe a chance of rings and will be open in a mid June - do give it a signal boost for me and I'll love y'all. Personally loving the swarovski bracelets because it is not too "oldish" and "high class" - y'know how those aunties with tudungs love to hot-fix swarovski and older ladies love to bedazzle everything and it doesn't appeal to teens? I've given a more casual, dressed down, less glaring take on these crystals hope y'all will love it :-)

Recently I've also been looking for my personal style - trying different sorts of clothing which includes dresses(can't wait to shop) of different... styles? I guess. I love all 3: the high neck skater, Ruffle cami dress and cami shift dress/slip dress but if I were to pick one that fits me most it'll be the shift dress because I'm lazy.

Speaking of personal style..... Shoe lust for the month.

(available here)

Dear pair of shoes:

YOU'LL BE MINE AT THE END OF THE MONTH

Love, me

Oh and getting sick of my hair.... Suggestions?

Bunny

OMG This bunny is too friggin ass cute to not post just look at it eat the raspberries lol

Anyway, got recalled of one of the few korean songs I listened to a few years ago

Someone bless me for training tomorrow

Hoarder

(gif set cr: tumblr, here)

Watched Captain America: The Winter Soldier like weeks back and it was great. Despite having front rows and leaving with an aching neck.

Spent the last 2 weeks clearing old shit so that my room doesn't become a pig sty. It was kind of terrible because I'm doing it in conjunction with something else it is kind of shitty that this is happening but I must always remind myself that everything happens for a reason. Then again i felt much happier getting out all the emotional-physical clutter and i can make space for new shit so hooray materialistic me i can get new stuff, new everything and new stuff makes me happy.

Starting from level 1 again and it feels a little weird but I kind of don't regret it(no ragrets) because i can kind of work towards my 'dream', but people keep telling me "oh you'll never make it, because Singapore" and sometimes its kind of demoralising but i guess i kind of look pass whatever people say because seriously there's too much that people talk about for me to bother.... And thank you for dedicating tweets to me(p.s i have eyes to see and an internet connection).

So all's great and i have supporting company who kind of deal with my shit(thank you).

Today also marks 2 years of my "fitness journey" and yes its a very big deal for me because i hated exercise for 16 years of my life. Like am i supposed to feel pain so that i can be healthy? It didn't make any sense to me till like, 2 years ago and i'm very glad it turned out well.

Well

Basically. Not like I'm a character of much interest.

Daily

In my attempt to keep this place more active. Basically my usual morning for the past few days. I'll have (preferably) a breakfast with fruit to kick start my digestive tract in the ass(geddit?) and then see what Cherry is up to.

Cherry, is my 1 year old hamster who has red eyes. She's a special lil' thing, saw her in the pet shop wandering around behind the glass and decided to bring her home. Probably obvious enough to understand why I gave her that name.

She's not my first hamster though. I've had about 8 since I was 12, and have been keeping hamsters ever since. At first, I wanted a dog or cat like a few of my peers but my parents refused and brought home one of these furballs for my 12th birthday.

Although they are not very huggable in a sense but its a joy watching them going about their daily activities, their reactions when I feed them fresh fruit/veg, and not to mention their nocturnal antics when I'm up late at night.

Been super busy lately. I have been training 3-4 days a week, and on the other days? Not free either.

All black everything

( Blazer: G2000 / Top: H&M / Skirt: H&M / Bag: Duodaisies / Shoes: Converse )

Mirror selfie because there was no time for outfit shots. Wore all black(almost), and at first it made me feel a little weird but I noticed that 3 out of 10 people in the train cabin were wearing all black, too. I could get used to wearing black, its a fool-proof thing. No more "your top's colour looks weird with your bottoms..", "Your colour coordination is kind of wonky", etc.

Went to collect my passport, I feel like an adult already. Just kidding. Explored Mustafa Centre which was quite an eye-opener, there was basically everything at a slightly cheaper price. Their Stevia is mad cheap, Nikes were having a 20% off and there were decent models there.

One of the rare times I apply eyeliner/eye makeup and thank god it was decent looking. Maybelline's Colour Show is awesome for people who can't deal with liquid eyeliner(a.k.a. me).

Birthday wishlist

Lazing around at home this Saturday and I thought why not make a visual of what I think would motivate me to start putting money into my piggy bank/jot down my current style favourites, etc.

So from top to bottom, left to right:

1. Y.R.U OASiS, here

2. Y.R.U. Qloud patent creeper, here

3. Juju Babe in Black, here

4. H&M mint chiffon kimono, here

5. Isolated Heroes bubble backpack in Clear, here

6. Adidas metallic windbreaker, here

7. Runwaydreamz x Levis studded acid vintage jacket, here

8. Polar FT4 watch, here

9. Adidas floral logo tank top, here

10. Topshop vintage Mom jeans, here

11. China Glaze in Re-Fresh Mint, here

12. Baggu backpack in Poppy, here

13. By Invite Only Diva necklace in gold, here

14. Topshop bleach acid mom jeans, here

Going legal in 7 days... Excited? Most likely.

Food issues

Half of the week is spent indulging in food i want, and the other half is spend trying to work it off. Its great. Recently, its all about self acceptance. Only though self acceptance then one can be happy, because I realised I only can be happy with what weigh/look if I accept myself.

Food is great. Why forgo food to lose weight when you can get food, exercise, and lose weight? Best of both worlds. Exercise also benefits a lot, other than feeling like you're gonna die in that one hour or so, but the after effects are good.

I only realised that about 2 years ago. I sat at a Sakae Sushi buffet with my friends and my skirt was getting too tight, bursting at the seams. Decided to do something about it. After the buffet, changed out into some shorts and headed to jog at the track in some running shoes... People tell me "Have not been jogging for so long because all my friends don't want to." Well, you are your own master.

From that day on I didn't regret it, though putting effort and not seeing results is a party pooper. I have to thank a few of my friends who cheered me on, gave me pep talks, etc. Really.

Younger, I was the "big kid", the one with the "bigger build", "heavy bones", the one who didn't need help with growing/eating. It was... a helpful thing. Surely, there were people insulting me because of my size and times where I felt different because I couldn't fit into clothes my friends or girls my age wore, but I am glad. It sort of made me a stronger person, being more indifferent of peoples' thoughts about me. Still remember someone calling me a "fat f#%k" because well, they couldn't find anything else to insult apart from my appearance.

Friends and relatives would tell my parents that I've grown, not sure if that is a good thing or not.

I also didn't get noticed by boys, or any alike, because of the extra... flesh I had. Didn't bother me much as I was 12, and food was the priority. Along with neopets and pokemon. It bothered me, but not enough.

I left primary school into secondary school, which was an OK experience to me. I grew, and puberty happened. It was a weird thing..... Trying to adjust. Everyone in my class was trying to adjust, it was only a matter of who handled it better.

Weight didn't really bother me until our PE teacher had to send us for extra lessons because I was overweight. I didn't like being overweight, but didn't do much about it. She was kind of an inspiration to me as she sat the girls through how she was once like that in her teens; suddenly it felt do-able. Having the power to change myself felt kind of possible.

Throughout the first two years of secondary school I tried, only leading to futile attempts, and led to me giving up. In my third year, I ballooned a 10kg, and left me almost obese in my fourth year. Which was then I decided to do something.

Until last year, food became an enemy, leaving me forgoing a lot of things I liked just to lose that few kgs. It was terrible. It did not become a physical thing, but rather the having mindset that screws people up. I was unhappy. Really unhappy. Until recent months.

Thinking back, I decided to look at how I looked like, scrolling through my Facebook photos(some of the photos from my old phone cameras are there) and all I can say is I am glad it all happened.

Adventure

Meet Duchess, the golden retriever!

( Camou outerwear: Bugis street / Graphic tee: Bugis street / Denim shorts: Forever 21 / Kitty tattoo leggings: Taiwan / Sneakers: Converse )

The camouflage jacket turned out to be very apt for this as the park felt very adventure-y, perhaps I could wear it to go trekking at the park soon.

Gave school a miss today because my shoulders hurt so bad I had to breathe manually, as stupid as it sounds. Have been nursing this injury since pre-competition and it has gotten worse due to my stupidity and overestimation.... well. Shit happens. Since then I've been trying to wear more backpacks to not feel the strain..... who doesn't love backpacks? My current fave backpack would be the one i'm wearing above which also can be seen here.

Speaking of competition, Yours Truly designed the tee shirt! How cool is that (or not).

Anyway, I spent my weekend helping out YH with his film assignment, as a makeup artist. This is my second time doing this, apart from helping out with my dance club 2 years ago. And it is the first time I am putting makeup on a man to fake his age; not to look young, but to look old! Amazing how makeup can transform faces. Honestly I think it could've done better but the crew approved of my work. Much sense of satisfaction.

Doesn't Duchess look cute? She's the most friendliest dog I've ever met, makes me feel like getting a dog....