Food issues

Half of the week is spent indulging in food i want, and the other half is spend trying to work it off. Its great. Recently, its all about self acceptance. Only though self acceptance then one can be happy, because I realised I only can be happy with what weigh/look if I accept myself.

Food is great. Why forgo food to lose weight when you can get food, exercise, and lose weight? Best of both worlds. Exercise also benefits a lot, other than feeling like you're gonna die in that one hour or so, but the after effects are good.

I only realised that about 2 years ago. I sat at a Sakae Sushi buffet with my friends and my skirt was getting too tight, bursting at the seams. Decided to do something about it. After the buffet, changed out into some shorts and headed to jog at the track in some running shoes... People tell me "Have not been jogging for so long because all my friends don't want to." Well, you are your own master.

From that day on I didn't regret it, though putting effort and not seeing results is a party pooper. I have to thank a few of my friends who cheered me on, gave me pep talks, etc. Really.

Younger, I was the "big kid", the one with the "bigger build", "heavy bones", the one who didn't need help with growing/eating. It was... a helpful thing. Surely, there were people insulting me because of my size and times where I felt different because I couldn't fit into clothes my friends or girls my age wore, but I am glad. It sort of made me a stronger person, being more indifferent of peoples' thoughts about me. Still remember someone calling me a "fat f#%k" because well, they couldn't find anything else to insult apart from my appearance.

Friends and relatives would tell my parents that I've grown, not sure if that is a good thing or not.

I also didn't get noticed by boys, or any alike, because of the extra... flesh I had. Didn't bother me much as I was 12, and food was the priority. Along with neopets and pokemon. It bothered me, but not enough.

I left primary school into secondary school, which was an OK experience to me. I grew, and puberty happened. It was a weird thing..... Trying to adjust. Everyone in my class was trying to adjust, it was only a matter of who handled it better.

Weight didn't really bother me until our PE teacher had to send us for extra lessons because I was overweight. I didn't like being overweight, but didn't do much about it. She was kind of an inspiration to me as she sat the girls through how she was once like that in her teens; suddenly it felt do-able. Having the power to change myself felt kind of possible.

Throughout the first two years of secondary school I tried, only leading to futile attempts, and led to me giving up. In my third year, I ballooned a 10kg, and left me almost obese in my fourth year. Which was then I decided to do something.

Until last year, food became an enemy, leaving me forgoing a lot of things I liked just to lose that few kgs. It was terrible. It did not become a physical thing, but rather the having mindset that screws people up. I was unhappy. Really unhappy. Until recent months.

Thinking back, I decided to look at how I looked like, scrolling through my Facebook photos(some of the photos from my old phone cameras are there) and all I can say is I am glad it all happened.